Boring, Boring, and More Boring

 

imagesCACUHBKEThere has to be more to Internet life than Facebook – doesn’t there? Don’t get me wrong; there are a ton of well-meaning people on the site who try desperately to bring up our spirits with catchy phrases and inspirational quotes. There are also those who are authors and they are just trying to get people to read their work and this is as it should be.

There are some who only write about their mundane lives which include some not so mundane dogs, cats and other assorted animals. I find it mildly amusing that the animals live more exciting lives than their owners.

Then there are those who post pictures of tortured animals and dead children thinking they are helping some noble cause that in reality only intensifies the brutality because sickoids who do this kind of thing feed off the publicity.

Let us not forget the politicos who think being completely immersed in politics 24/7 is what life is all about. This group gets the medal of dishonor for being complete bores. One would think that post presidential election is a time for the sound of silence. This wonderful state is not to be…thank you so much, buttheads.

Oh, and by the by…I am also included in this list of Internet zombies. It has been said that I would complain if my lottery ticket won the big one. This is true; I have a list of complaints ready in case the miracle was to happen. Number one would be – now all my relatives are going to pop out of the woodwork!

OK, surely there must be a purpose to this blog berating Facebook users. Indeed there is and that purpose is to understand that we must first make fun of ourselves before we can make fun of others. Sometimes I find myself the biggest bore of all and it bothers me because you would think life would have taught me to be more interesting by now. Well, it hasn’t and that pisses me off to no end.

I would appreciate it very much if the rest of you on Facebook would bring boring up to my level. It’s lonely at the top….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

http://www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com/

Author’s Lot

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“As authors, we are like water in a well. But, to be consumed – we all must end up in the same bucket.”  Mitt Winstead, July 13, 2012

Sometimes re-posting other author’s blogs or announcements on Facebook is a bit tedious because being an author also means being busy as a caterpillar in an ant trail most of the time. We don’t want to be bothered and let’s face it – there are a lot of authors using Facebook these days.

The issue isn’t one of convenience or even expedience; it is an issue of thoughtfulness. Authors know firsthand how hard one must work to write even a blog, let alone a novel or book of poems. It is even more daunting to have your work published and be responsible for book signings, advertizing, interviews and all the other things that must be done to promote your work which may or may not bring success. Unfortunately it is usually the latter.

I, for one, like to take the time to re-post another author’s efforts to become successful. Knowing even one “Best Selling” author somehow gives validity to my own work. It is enough to keep me writing my fingers to the bone in hopes of one day making it to the big time with a spot on “The Morning Show,” or any morning show for that matter!

It is not enough to sit back and smile at your own work thinking how wonderful you write; authors must also learn to appreciate fellow writers as well. After all, we are in the same boat, using the same paddle trying to go upstream against the current. We are all fighting the Amazon River which would surely wash us all out to sea with nothing to show for our efforts but wet clothes and an empty wallet.

For the most part, we authors are a friendly lot and deeply care about writing words that are profound in nature and entertaining in content.  We all have a sense of humor most of the time, but the rest of the time we are banging our heads bloody against the office door jamb because our Internet service is down or the computer crashed. It’s always nice to hear words of encouragement when we announce these calamities on Facebook or Twitter.

I salute all authors everywhere they live in the world. Let’s stick together and help each other fulfill our dreams and fight the good fight against corporate greed that keeps us poor and starving. It seems to me that dying poor is far better than dying without the thrill of writing something profound (or not). Authoring in itself is a worthy endeavor; I am proud to be called an author!

Write on,

Mittster

http://www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com/

Sunday Funnies

Time goes by at the speed of light and all we can do is hang on for dear life, or not….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

http://www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com/

 

 

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Gone Riding!

 

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Thank you Great Spirit for giving us the opportunity to ride our iron ponies today in what will surely be glorious weather.

My friend Hoppy and me

My friend Hoppy

Riding the Mogollon Rim high country of northern Arizona is spectacular and gives us pause to be thankful we have the freedom to become one with nature.

Ride on,

Mittster

http://www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com/

Brain Power Sucks

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As our bodies start to show age and a multitude of physical systems slowly begin to break down, time marches through our bodies like the Angel of Death swinging his (or her) sickle with malice of forethought. He attacks our skin, muscles, hair, eyes and even our unmentionables. Yes, even our desires start to wane. It is like our whole body starts to crumble down around us and, like Humpty Dumpty; we are powerless to stop the fall.

Some can’t stand the thought of decline, so they have tummy tucks, butt tucks, eyelid tucks, arm tucks, breast tucks, face lifts and, in fact, I don’t think there is anything that can’t be tucked, lifted or enlarged. Of course one exception is the hair transplant, which explains why some people look like “The Donald.” But, alas…even after thousands and thousands of dollars spent tucking, plucking, sucking, adding, subtracting, injecting and objecting, Father Time still has his way with us.

There is one horrible exception; our brains watch the destruction of our bodies with relish and great pleasure. The torture is sublime for our all-seeing mind’s eye. It’s the payback for all the times we drank too much, smoked too much, partied too much, made love too much (maybe not this one) and generally abused our bodies. The brain never forgets and waits patiently for “The Decline.” It is simply insidious that we have to watch our young, firm bodies start to sag ever lower toward the ground while our brain still dances and kicks its neurons high in the air with laughter and pure delight.

You see the mind holds consciousness and our brain knows that even before we are born. While the doctor slaps our butts after delivery, the brain starts planning revenge for things that haven’t even happened yet! The brain is thinking, I feel future abuse coming soon – isn’t it grand! Since consciousness goes on forever, the brain never really dies. How unfair is that? Our brains make us watch our own demise second after second, minute after minute, day after day, year after year – OK, you get it.

Well, I’ve got news for you Mr. Brain; I have a plan. From this moment on, I am going to wear a full body, black cloak. Yes, it will even cover my head. I have an eight-day supply of cloaks so that when they need cleaning I will still have an extra one to wear. Oh, by the way, during showers and cloak cleaning days, I will be wearing a Zorro mask without holes for the eyes. I will not be able to see my body, nor will I touch my body without gloves. There is no way I will know how fast I am aging.

Oh, yes, I know what you are thinking; I will never see my body again. On this point you are correct, but the beauty of this plan is that you won’t get to see my body ever again either! What do you think about that smarty brain pants? What did you say? I will still feel my body sinking slowly to the floor under the cloak? Damn, foiled again! Is there no way to outwit the brain? I think not….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

http://www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com/

Shock and Awe!

There is a big book signing the 23rd of August in Cottonwood, Arizona, sponsored by the public library. I was a little surprised when I got the invitation to join 44 other local writers for the event. My murder mystery books “Evil in the Mirror,” “Day Stalker” and “The Phoenix Code” are a tad spicy for the locals in the Verde Valley.

I plan to have a great time meeting the other local writers who are trying to become famous, bestselling authors…after all; we do have that in common. I know I will meet historical buffs and an assortment of romance authors. Any murder mystery writers will be of the Miss Marple type and it will be those I will have the most fun with. Shock and awe, baby…shock and awe.

It’s always nice to sell books at these events, but my real enjoyment will come from trading books with the local 44. I can hardly wait for the reviews and common comments like: “Your one sick puppy, Mr. Winstead.” They always refer to me as Mr. when the review is going to be snippy. Being prudish in the book writing world will keep you stuck in Po Dunk, Arizona, forever.

I don’t mean to be derogatory because we are all in this together, but I meet most of the prudes in small towns. Just because you sold twelve books doesn’t mean you can act like Stephen King. It’s a lovely time because I can disarm these folks with a wicked smile and wink.

It really will be fun and a perfect warm-up for some big signings in Fresno, California, in September and November. I can’t clown around at these Barnes and Nobel signings or I might find myself on the other end of the stick!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

http://www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com/

Bring a Pooper Scooper

 

imagesI have been looking for something to say to all the folks out there in Facebook Land who think saving the world can only be accomplished through their own private belief system or dogma. I am not smart enough sometimes to say what I feel in my heart without using profanity and losing my temper which once lost, is battle lost.

I so tire of the constant bombardment of political rhetoric tossed about, to and fro, by both sides of the aisle with end-of-the world predictions. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. My delete basket is filled with such garbage like a lump of smelly dog poo. I ask politely to please quit sending their propaganda and agenda to me because I am not interested, but alas, it only adds fuel to their selfish desires to be winners instead of the losers they really are.

I do like the Facebook posts that depict the good things about human nature and the fact that we are all “Spiritual beings having a human experience.” I don’t like the idea that if I don’t re-post that “I love Jesus” it means that I don’t and my soul is going straight to a place that doesn’t exist in the first place. Or better yet, that I should re-post a money angel picture with large piles of cash at her feet and if I don’t, none of the money shall be mine. Please give me a break; asking for material things from whatever God you believe in is like asking for dust in the wind!

I know I am fighting a never-ending battle with human nature itself. There are neither winners nor losers in the human dilemma. Tom Peters said it best: “Perception is all there is – manage it! There is no reality!” With that in mind, I bow to you all as I close Facebook and return to proofing and editing my latest book, “Invictus.” I don’t know which is worse….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

http://www.murdermysteryevilinthemirror.com/